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Don’t get me wrong, I love the gym. But I love it even more when it’s empty. Devoid of others, um, let’s just call them superhumans aka those who insist on switching OFF both the air-conditioning and fans in the gym, those who don’t need to breathe when they exercise, what do we call them again??!!

Here I am, spewing perspiration and gasping for air in my sleeveless top and shorts. There they are, wearing long sleeves and long pants, huddled over cardio machines wrapped up in thick towels!!

Note there’s only one window, which is sealed shut, and only one fan whirring away! Overhead there are 32 light bulbs burning their way through the tops of our heads! What’s up with the spotlights already? Are we looking for needles in a haystack here?

Oh and while we’re at it, could we please be allowed to exchange some of that carbon dioxide for oxygen? I can only assume folks work out to stay healthy. Um, stupid question. Without oxygen, could we be defeating the purpose – possibly?

That said, the fan and air-conditioning won’t cause you to catch the chill of death no matter what your grandmother told you! Those old wives’ tales really have to go, people!! But if you insist on shutting off the air circulation, then you’re obviously in the wrong place. You should be in the sauna! Savvy?

So officially I started back at the gym Monday. Well, actually it was the Monday before but after an hour’s worth of cardio, I was so sore I decided to give myself a whole week off. Nope, I didn’t feel any guilt at all, if that’s what you’re wondering !

After all, the gym has been under renovation for 1.5 months and I felt no guilt slacking off for that amount of time plus another 1.5 months on top of that… which brings us to this past Monday when I happily skipped into the new and improved gym, eager to get down to work on all those lovely new machines and so glad the good ol’ machines that I love are still there.

This is one of my favorite machines. I get to sit down, lean back and look like I’m seriously working out when, in fact, … let’s just say it’s the perfect way to slack off without anyone being the wiser . Yup, it’s definitely good to be back!

Way back in college, I was the proud owner of a ten-speed bike just like this one except mine was red and black. I named it Scorch!

Scorch and I had lots of adventures, lots of tumbles. I also had a pet cactus which I named Morris after Morris the Cat on a pet food commercial you’ve probably seen on TV way back when.

And my minivan is affectionately called Truck. Okay, so I’m in the habit of naming the inanimate objects in my life. Now you can go ahead and call me weird !!

Come to think of it, I haven’t been to the gym for almost 2 months now. Time flies when you’re slacking. I can still fit into my jeans so I guess I’m still good except if I flap my flabby arms now, I could probably fly across the room.

I went there this morning half expecting that the renovations would be going on still. At least that’s what happened when I happily went there last week only to find the place a mess with cardboards for flooring and no equipment in sight. I was only able to use the treadmill at the temporary area so I didn’t stay long.

Well, the new and improved gym is much bigger and more posh than it used to be and best of all, it’s packed with equipment and even has funky lighting. Happiness! I spent over an hour there jumpstarting those lazy muscles. Love it when the place is not crowded. I think I concentrate better and put in more effort. Can’t wait to go again!

It’s starting to feel like months since I’ve done any exercise though in reality, it’s been just over a month. If I was hoping that by reading apidexin reviews I would feel less flabby and heavy, I was wrong. Like I mentioned, I was going to take those dumbbells out and work out at home. Honest I was!

But hello, like all good intentions, they’re doomed to fail without what they call will power. The fact that I don’t have to pack a bag and drive myself over to the gym means that I will conveniently let it slide.

Why is it that I have the will power to pack and drive bick not the will power to just pick up those dumbbells in my bedroom and get to work? How’s that?

Just great! Just as I’m thinking, I’m going to be a good girl from now (no more playing hooky, no more lame excuses about losing the left sock or the right glove), my gym decides to close for renovations. Major renovations. For a month, maybe more! WTH!

So what’s there to do? My gym buddies are screaming blue murder. A whole month with no exercise? I guess that leaves us holding the stone sink, whatever that means ! As for the Slacker Queen, um that would be me, there is hope yet.

I’ve dusted off a couple of dumbbells I found lying around the house and put them where I can see them. Next I’m going to start imagining that I’m actually getting a workout just by looking at those dumbbells. What do you think ?

The other day while I was at the gym, one of the not-so-regulars came up and asked me what sort of diets for quick weight loss I’m on and I immediately gave her on of the my notorious what-the-hey-are-you-talking-about-woman look.

At any rate, me being the nice person that I am, I gave her a five-minute lecture on how she would see results much quicker if she combined her diet with exercise. I don’t think she was too pleased with my response *shrugs*. Could that be why I hardly see her at the gym?

Yes, those would be my happy feet and my scruffy sweatpants on the treadmill. The prodigal gym rat is back… with a vengeance… at the gym… working her legs and butt half to death!

Okay, so I slacked off for a whole month. Well, not entirely. I was still doing a lot of running – errands, not exercise! Each time gym day rolled around, it seemed I had to run out and pay the car insurance, or collect photocopies, or sit in line at the bank, or something !

Then just as I was thinking, oh good, I have nothing on tomorrow, I spent the night before running to the bathroom several times after eating something ‘poisonous’ at last weekend’s golf tournament. Running, yes but obviously not the kind I had in mind.

But I did eventually make it to the gym Friday morning. I completed 2 kilometers on the treadmill which is more than I normally do, slacker me! Even then, I feel lighter, more energized and hungrier quicker .