Parenting | Hip to be Mom

Say hello to Angry Bird, Minnie from Disneyland, Bobby John the Baby Panda from San Diego Zoo and Neal the Polar Bear from Seaworld, San Diego. Neal is Raine’s birthday present from her older brother, Steev.

When my kids were growing up, the only soft toys we had were a gorilla and a puppy which we had won at the Moomba festival in Melbourne, Australia and even then, those were stashed away, out of sight of the kids.

I have a ‘no soft toys’ policy and for good reason. First off, I can only imagine how much bacteria and dust is living in that oh so cuddly coat of fur. Surely that can’t be good for the kids, especially when they cuddle them close to their faces. Think allergies.

Sure soft toys are cute and all but I can’t see much of an educational value in something that can only sit there and do precious nothing else. Hence, my ‘no soft toy’ policy. My kids never asked for them and I never offered to buy them any. We would see them at the store, remark how cute they are and move on.

But now we have a small collection of soft toys, no thanks to my estranged half-brother and half-SIL who gave my kids their first soft toys. Said half-SIL was having trouble conceiving a child after 5 years of trying and according to some old wives’ tales, it seemed it would help her conceive if she were nice to other people’s kids.

What a ridiculous idea but hardly surprising considering how full of –it she is. Of course, I had no idea what she was up and why she was being so nice to my kids all of a sudden since clearly, she isn’t a nice person to start with.

Even after I told her I didn’t want my kids playing with stuffed toys, she still went ahead and brought a small army over and handed them to my kids. I understand her desperation but she could at least have respected my stand on the issue and bought them some other kind of toy, no?

Then again, we’re talking about a couple who would bulldoze their way through and do whatever it takes to get what they want, right or wrong. So that’s the story of how stuffed toys came into our lives. As the kids have gotten older, I’ve relaxed the rule. But it’s more of a rare indulgence though, like when we were on vacation earlier this year.

Are there any toys you don’t like your kids playing with for one reason or another?

The coming out

Posted by Clairity 12 Responses »

May 272011

So one of Raine’s good friends from high school came out and told her parents she’s lesbian. This is an extremely smart girl who loves to joke and laugh and is on back-slappingly good terms with the boys at school but that’s not the point. Point is she’s always been something of a tomboy, very outgoing, very athletic.

Obviously her parents were (and probably still are) in shock. But they’re not the only ones. Raine was clearly taken aback and so was I. Even more so that her partner is a woman in her 30′s! Not that we have anything against anyone’s orientation or preference. In fact, we’re pretty open to this.

Just that we always thought of her a tomboy. I mean, so many girls are tomboyish in their teen years and later blossom into girly girls. So her coming out was like a ton of bricks though in the backs of our minds, we might’ve had our suspicions.

Apparently her parents took it all rather badly, which in turn, got me wondering how any parent should or would react to something like that. I hadn’t really given this much thought. But if it were my kid, I’m not sure how I would react either. Would you?

The girls and I stopped by the candy store at the mall. Okay, this is rare, very rare! But there is a good reason for that. We’d had another one of those bad lunches which seem to have become the norm rather than the exception for us these days. Drat! Anyone have any idea how we can break this pattern?

Anyhoo, the quickest way to sweeten the deal was to dart into the nearby candy store where they have like a gazillion types of candies with samples that you can pinch and pop right into your mouth.

Skye’s favorite soft chewy candy.

Gummy bears which my kids have loved since they were little.

Sugar-coated rubber bands that look like they could wrap themselves around your waistline and never leave.

Let’s just say there was enough food coloring and sugar in there to send half the kiddy population to Hyper City for a month! I popped a candied ginger, Raine didn’t touch a single thing and Skye – well, I looked at her face as we were leaving the store and she had these puffed-up cheeks.

Me: OMG, you didn’t!!

She nodded sheepishly, lightly tapping her cheeks crammed full of the soft chewy candy she loves so-oo much but which she knows I will not buy.

My kids grew up deprived of sweets, candies and chocolates. I almost never had any in my fridge. Practically the only way they could get their hands on this stuff was when we visited friends and relatives who all seem to think I’m a bad parent for denying my kids the sweeter things in life. Baffling!

Back to my story…

Me (in a moment of weakness): You want me to get you some?

She shook her head.

Me: You sure?

She shook her head again.

Me: Why not? Come on, it’s okay, just this one time.

Skye: It’s very fattening.

What can I say? She sure knows what she’s talking about !

Where did last week go? Oops, you know what? I think I spent most of it listening. And talking. To my teens. Very little got done around here.

Steev was on his spring break and we were skyping practically every day for 2-3 hours at a stretch. It’s our routine to talk every day even if it’s only briefly during the semester when he’s really busy with homework.

He and I can chat all day. Seriously. From the time he was 10 or 11, we’ve always had these extended chit-chats. Okay, so maybe I’m biased because he’s my son but we always have something interesting to talk about – from everyday stuff and people to�color print techniques to all things geeky.

The same thing with my girls. There’s no shortage of stories and giggles from college and school either. When I pick them up every day, they would tell me about their day at school and I’ll update them about my day. Believe me, there’s no shortage of stories, discussions, questions, issues and jokes.

When you have 3 teens, one pair of ears isn’t enough. More like 2 more pairs of extra ears !! But listening isn’t just listening. It’s listening and advising, and chiming in with my stories, my experiences, my humor, my take on things. Listening and teaching, and learning. Interestingly, learning works both ways – our kids learn from us and we learn from them too.

So yeah, my kids are teens now but I’m still listening. Can’t say I’ve perfected the art yet . All I know is that I’m never too busy to listen, and I never tire of talking with them.

So we start a new chapter in the Hip Book of Historical Events. Raine, my 17-year-old princess, is officially a college freshman today.

Her Royal Highness doesn’t have a driver’s license yet so she will be riding the Royal Coach to college each morning chauffeured by the Queen herself (that would be me, ahem!).

Lucky me, college is clear across town smack in the middle of the rush-est of rush hour traffic insanity !

I’m not complaining though I can’t say sitting in traffic can be considered a favorite pastime of mine. That said, any commute with my teens is a priceless opportunity for bonding, still lovin’ it after all these years.

And here is my interview with Raine when I picked her up from her first day at college today. Her answers, in her own very words:

Me: So what do you think of college?

Raine: I think I’ll be homesick every day that I’m in college.

Me: Did you meet anyone you know?

Raine: I don’t think they recognize me which is good because I like being under the radar.

Me: What was the� most exciting thing that happened today?

Raine: The fact that I looked at my Chuck and Taylor Converse sneakers and realized that they were the nicest pair of sneakers in the room.

Me: I bet you’re pretty excited about college then, huh?

Raine: Maybe it’s too early to tell but…

I’ve been asked many times how I manage to get my teens to come to the gym with me at the unearthly hour of 7:30 in the morning. Apparently� it’s common for teens to sleep till noon time. One mother even told me her teens wake up at 5 pm in the evening !!

I’m one of the very few parents who brings her teens to the gym on public holidays and days when college classes start late. Over the years, I’ve been bringing one teen after another as soon as they were old enough, sometimes 2 of them at once, sometimes all 3.

To be honest, it’s not so hard to get them to come along. My teens have been trained from young to be in bed by 10:00pm on school nights and they’re up at 6:00am. Yes, even now!

On the weekends, if they’re not up by 9-ish, I will wake them up and they know they have to be at the Delta faucets brushing their teeth within the half hour. They’re used to it.

As for getting them excited about working out, I didn’t have to do much. Guess I’m just lucky they enjoy working out as much as I do .