Issues & decisions | Hip to be Mom

Raine and Skye both deleted their Facebook accounts last Monday. Of their own accord. I had nothing to do with it. Maybe it’s just as well because I’ve never encouraged any of my kids to be on Facebook in the first place.

I’ve maintained my stand from the beginning about what they should and shouldn’t do online. Mother knows best, as Mother Gothel would say. I’ve drummed into them the security and privacy issues and the dangers of electronic pickpocketing and pedophiles, stalkers and future employers finding out too much, et cetera.

My kids know the drill – no real names, no photos of themselves, no private info. They’ve been very good about it even though I’m sure the peer pressure must be enormous seeing as how people consider it ‘cool’ to shout out every last detail of what they, and the garden grasshopper, do every minute of the day on the internet.

The good thing about my kids is that they don’t care about trying to live up to everyone else’s definintion of “cool”. Like I always say to them, just do your own thang, think for yourself and set your own standards. It doesn’t matter how “cool” everyone else is. Just be yourself and you’re cool .

So then, is it any surprise then that we have no iPads in the house, never tasted a macaron and the only GPS I own is the often unreliable one in my head. That’s exactly how uncool we are!

As soon as I turn the corner to Raine’s college, the scenery changes from this

… to this, a sea of college girls with deuter backpacks and short shorts, some even shorter and tighter than these!

That’s the modern-day college kid for you. They don’t wear very much. Spaghetti and tank tops that can’t seem to keep stuff from spilling out. Skirts so short and tight you can’t even sit down. Times are bad, we need to save on fabric?!

Once my Dad came to pick me up from the college where I was teaching, and he almost flipped at what he saw. Poor Dad! He was going, is this what kids wear to school these days? Shaking his head, he went on, in my day, this is how hookers dress, are these girls here to get an education or what?

Indeed as a mom and teacher, my stand is this – anything that short and tight has no place in the classroom. Colleges may turn a blind eye but what about the parents? Shouldn’t they have a say in what their teens wear to school?

I would assume that most of us go through a thought process when deciding what’s appropriate and what’s not. Most of it is common sense really. Seems like that’s not apparent to everyone though. Worse yet, it seems kids are starting young too these days, according to this article which I totally agree with, by the way.

What do you think?

Say hello to Angry Bird, Minnie from Disneyland, Bobby John the Baby Panda from San Diego Zoo and Neal the Polar Bear from Seaworld, San Diego. Neal is Raine’s birthday present from her older brother, Steev.

When my kids were growing up, the only soft toys we had were a gorilla and a puppy which we had won at the Moomba festival in Melbourne, Australia and even then, those were stashed away, out of sight of the kids.

I have a ‘no soft toys’ policy and for good reason. First off, I can only imagine how much bacteria and dust is living in that oh so cuddly coat of fur. Surely that can’t be good for the kids, especially when they cuddle them close to their faces. Think allergies.

Sure soft toys are cute and all but I can’t see much of an educational value in something that can only sit there and do precious nothing else. Hence, my ‘no soft toy’ policy. My kids never asked for them and I never offered to buy them any. We would see them at the store, remark how cute they are and move on.

But now we have a small collection of soft toys, no thanks to my estranged half-brother and half-SIL who gave my kids their first soft toys. Said half-SIL was having trouble conceiving a child after 5 years of trying and according to some old wives’ tales, it seemed it would help her conceive if she were nice to other people’s kids.

What a ridiculous idea but hardly surprising considering how full of –it she is. Of course, I had no idea what she was up and why she was being so nice to my kids all of a sudden since clearly, she isn’t a nice person to start with.

Even after I told her I didn’t want my kids playing with stuffed toys, she still went ahead and brought a small army over and handed them to my kids. I understand her desperation but she could at least have respected my stand on the issue and bought them some other kind of toy, no?

Then again, we’re talking about a couple who would bulldoze their way through and do whatever it takes to get what they want, right or wrong. So that’s the story of how stuffed toys came into our lives. As the kids have gotten older, I’ve relaxed the rule. But it’s more of a rare indulgence though, like when we were on vacation earlier this year.

Are there any toys you don’t like your kids playing with for one reason or another?

The coming out

Posted by Clairity 12 Responses »

May 272011

So one of Raine’s good friends from high school came out and told her parents she’s lesbian. This is an extremely smart girl who loves to joke and laugh and is on back-slappingly good terms with the boys at school but that’s not the point. Point is she’s always been something of a tomboy, very outgoing, very athletic.

Obviously her parents were (and probably still are) in shock. But they’re not the only ones. Raine was clearly taken aback and so was I. Even more so that her partner is a woman in her 30′s! Not that we have anything against anyone’s orientation or preference. In fact, we’re pretty open to this.

Just that we always thought of her a tomboy. I mean, so many girls are tomboyish in their teen years and later blossom into girly girls. So her coming out was like a ton of bricks though in the backs of our minds, we might’ve had our suspicions.

Apparently her parents took it all rather badly, which in turn, got me wondering how any parent should or would react to something like that. I hadn’t really given this much thought. But if it were my kid, I’m not sure how I would react either. Would you?

The girls and I stopped by the candy store at the mall. Okay, this is rare, very rare! But there is a good reason for that. We’d had another one of those bad lunches which seem to have become the norm rather than the exception for us these days. Drat! Anyone have any idea how we can break this pattern?

Anyhoo, the quickest way to sweeten the deal was to dart into the nearby candy store where they have like a gazillion types of candies with samples that you can pinch and pop right into your mouth.

Skye’s favorite soft chewy candy.

Gummy bears which my kids have loved since they were little.

Sugar-coated rubber bands that look like they could wrap themselves around your waistline and never leave.

Let’s just say there was enough food coloring and sugar in there to send half the kiddy population to Hyper City for a month! I popped a candied ginger, Raine didn’t touch a single thing and Skye – well, I looked at her face as we were leaving the store and she had these puffed-up cheeks.

Me: OMG, you didn’t!!

She nodded sheepishly, lightly tapping her cheeks crammed full of the soft chewy candy she loves so-oo much but which she knows I will not buy.

My kids grew up deprived of sweets, candies and chocolates. I almost never had any in my fridge. Practically the only way they could get their hands on this stuff was when we visited friends and relatives who all seem to think I’m a bad parent for denying my kids the sweeter things in life. Baffling!

Back to my story…

Me (in a moment of weakness): You want me to get you some?

She shook her head.

Me: You sure?

She shook her head again.

Me: Why not? Come on, it’s okay, just this one time.

Skye: It’s very fattening.

What can I say? She sure knows what she’s talking about !

What have I been up to? Glued to the ongoing Japan disaster coverage hoping for good news. It’s been a week and I’m still here. I can’t help it. Disasters, pain and suffering have a deep effect on me and I can’t help getting all worked up.

I’ve been chasing down whatever I can learn about nuclear reactors and what makes them tick (literally!). The idea of a nuclear meltdown sounds very alarming. I mean it’s not like you hear those words every day. Me being me, I just have to find out more so I can fully understand what’s going.

A little knowledge is dangerous, I know, and reading a few articles doesn’t make me a nuclear scientist by any means. But after wading through hours of technical mumbo-jumbo, I now know there are many differences between Chernobyl and Fukushima in terms of the reactor design, technology and events leading up to the incidents.

So what happened in Chernobyl and Three Mile Island aren’t necessarily going to repeat themselves in Fukushima. Now that’s a bit of a relief! I think the fact that the Fukushima plant withstood the double whammy of deadly earthquake and tsunami all in one says a lot about its solid structure and design. But what do I know?

Frankly it’s hard to imagine being prepared for something as hugely devastating as this and I can only imagine what a big crisis management nightmare it must be. There’s no saying how this will all pan out but I’m confident the world isn’t going to vanish in a puff of radioactive smoke, Supermoon and 2012 notwithstanding.

Meantime, all we can do is hope and pray for those who’re risking their lives daily in that crippled nuclear environment for this nightmare to be over soon and they can be back with their families. Pray for those who have lost everything, whose who are in need of medical help, basic necessities, food, water and warmth and for this suffering to end. This is when compassion is most needed and certainly not the time for insensitive and uncalled for rants and jokes.

It’s scary to think a crisis like this could happen any time anywhere to anyone. If you’re feeling restless and want to help, here are some easy ways you can chip in for as little as $5.

Laura of I’m Not A Trophy Wife has been actively promoting opportunities for bloggers to contribute to the Japan relief effort, among them the American Red Cross and Dog Bless Japan to donate to the search and rescue of dogs.

I also understand that you can donate directly from Paypal. They’ve apparently partnered with MissionFish to accept donations and provide tax donation receipts.

Tara of Graphic Design of Tara is celebrating her birthday with a promotion by her Etsy friends who are donating proceeds of their sales to help Japan. Click on the button below to shop for a good cause.