Considering the amount of time I spend hanging out in my minivan, you can well imagine the things I do while waiting for my kids. You’ll either find me playing games on my pocket PC, flipping radio stations, singing along to songs I like, or if it happens to be gym day and I’ve just washed my hair, I’d be busy drying my hair in the cool air from my car’s air-conditioning.

That’s exactly what I was doing this afternoon outside my girls’ school. I do this all the time. It’s not a crime, right? So how was I to know that today, someone who was parked in front of me was watching me from his rear view mirror. His windows were heavily tinted so it never struck me until he and his camcorder eyes slithered over to my car door and sneakily threw a glance in through my window.

And no, it wasn’t his car, he’s the chauffeur judging from his uniform. I hope he was bitterly disappointed that there was really nothing to see. I was covered all the way to my knee caps in my ugliest pair of black bermuda shorts.

What’s more worrying for me, as a mom, was when I saw who he’d come to pick up from school. It’s one of Raine’s friends and I hope, for her sake, that her parents know what kind of perv person they’re sending to pick up their 17-year-old daughter from school .

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Okay, so I’ve finally signed Steev up for driving school. He’s 18+ and definitely old enough to drive and it would neat to have a backup driver to chauffeur my girls around .

Yesterday he went to take his written test after attending a full day of driving theory the previous Sunday. The driving school has a van service to ferry them to the test center. We didn’t know which test center he’d been assigned to but apparently it’s somewhere out in the boonies.

Me being the worrywart decided to go check the place out myself so I could pick Steev up if he finished early. If he would’ve taken the van, he would’ve had to wait for everyone to finish their tests which might’ve taken the whole day.

We had to be at the pickup point at 9:30am. We were already running late but I had to stop by the gas station. Steev jumped out, stuck my credit card into the gas pump and it threw back an error, yikes! I backed up to the gas pump behind and Steev started over, and again it spat out my credit card. OMG, we wer e going to be late. So I said forget the gas, let’s go.

We got to the pickup point just in the nick of time and that’s when they told us the van would only be leaving at 10am. Dangit! All that rush for nothing. So I left Steev there to wait and we went hunting for the nearest gas station.

Back at the pickup point, the van driver agreed that I could follow him to the test center. So Steev rode with me and I had Raine along as well to note the directions to the place so I could find my way back there later.

As I expected, following the van would not be easy. I was pretty sure the guy would speed all the way there since it was a Sunday, no traffic jams. And I was right. He flew down the highway with me chugging along at my usual turtle speed .

And there was Steev in the back seat going, Mom, maybe you should step on it a little, we’re going to lose him. And so started my high speed chase like one of those ‘follow that car’ scenes we’ve seen all too often in movies.

Much as I’d like to say I drove like Paul Walker in Fast and Furious, I was doing way below speed limit. Hey, I’m not in the habit of speeding with kids in my car, okay? So I was left wa-aay behind! The van driver didn’t care, he just raced on and me, chug-a-chug-chug, hahaha! To cut a long story short, we made it there in one piece, Steev passed the test and this tailing a van to the boonies is not something I’d care to repeat .

I met a jack@ss the other day. Lots of them on the road and they’re either fearless or stupid, I can’t figure out which. This particular one decided the grass on my lane was greener. So as we both rounded a bend side by side, he cut into my lane like his grandfather owned the road.

Good thing I was driving like a turtle. If I’d been going any faster, I might’ve ended up hitting the concrete kerb. Anyhow I leaned on my horn but let the poor misguided soul rush ahead like I normally do. Maybe his bladder was full and he needed to get to a fire hydrant. Or maybe he left his brain on the ceramic tiles at home and had to rush back to get it.

Whatever it was, he sure had his middle finger on him and he didn’t hesitate to stick it up at me ! J.e.r.k!! He’s lucky I was in a good mood and Steev was in the car with me or I would’ve no qualms about returning the favor!

Like I once did to the jerk who cut me off just as the traffic light was turning red, leaving  me sitting in the yellow box. I gave him a little honk to get him to look into his rear view mirror and when he did, I gave him the middle finger. Ah, the sheer satisfaction!

Speaking of which, there’s just one more thing. To yesterday’s jack@ss, since I didn’t get a chance yesterday, here ya go, buster, enjoy !

Aah, I feel so much better already! What would you have done?

I have no idea why the two digital clocks in my car are showing different times but they are . The one on the overhead tells me I’m late. The one on the dash says I’m early. So which is it?

Me being me, I’m almost OCD about being early to pick up my kids. Always. I don’t want them to wait. Like my dad used to make me wait and wait and wait till I was almost the only one left in school. That has scarred me for life, seriously.

My watch is the only one with the correct time. Normally I’d be flipping my wrist to check the time as I turtle down the highway.

But my watch battery died . Again? Didn’t I just replace it like a couple months ago? Dang, gotta get it changed again asap. And now, I’m left checking the time on my cell phone instead. I’m totally lost without my watch! Are you?

Last Sunday, there was a loud crash in our neighborhood. Ka-BANG!! Should I even be alarmed that it was just my neighbor’s DIL crashing her car into their gate and bringing it down in the process? Looking at the way she drives, it’s only a matter of time.

The woman clearly is a horrible driver with a bad attitude. She’s very lazy, this according to her MIL, too lazy to even turn her steering wheel. She reverses out of her driveway by hardly turning her steering wheel at all, even when the blind can see she’s going to hit something !

I’m just glad no one got hurt and my minivan wasn’t parked outside. See why I make it a point NOT to park outside when I see she’s home? Lately she bought a minivan (and according to her MIL, it’s simply because I have one ). If she was going to hit the gate with the little toy car she had before, what makes her think she can handle a minivan?

Anyhow, while her gate is laying on the ground, I think she should be shopping around for some free insurance quotes. She really needs it since she frequently drives her 3 kids around.

I stopped my minivan perpendicular to a row of parked cars outside the bakery to let Raine and Skye hop off and grab a few pastries and cakes, something that would only take 5 minutes max. The lady whose car I stopped behind started prancing around, gesturing.

Thinking that she wanted to come out, I reversed my car. But in doing so, I ended up blocking oncoming traffic and had to forward my car to the original spot behind her car to let everyone else pass. Prancer showed no signs of getting into her car. She was still standing there, gesturing wildly for me to go away, her mouth opening and closing like a goldfish.

Okay, this is it! I lowered my window so we could finally talk it out, woman to Prancer.

Me: What’s your problem?

Prancer: Why don’t you stop over there? I need to get out.

Me: Now?

Prancer: No, I need to go in there first but I’ll be leaving shortly. So go park somewhere else – how about over there?

(She hasn’t gone in yet and she’s worried about coming back out ?)

Me: Look at my car! Do you think I can fit in there?

Prancer: Well, you CAN’T park here!!!

Me: Don’t tell me what to do!

Prancer: There’s a spot over there near the ceramic tile store. Why don’t you park there?

Me: No! Now you go do whatever you have to do. I’ll move when you get out.

You’re dismissed, CONTROL FREAK!

She gave me a cold, hard glare and continued scolding as she walked into the bakery. By the time we left, she was still in there, probably telling the bakery owner how to arrange her cakes and pies !!

My car is at the mechanic’s. Nothing major. One of the error symbols on my dash is lighted up so I decide to have it looked at, and get the car serviced at the same time. And seeing as how my mechanic, his team of over 10 mechanics to be exact, work like snails, I just know my car will be stuck there for hours.

Mom’s taxi without a taxi? Just great .

Well, what do you know? Good ol’ Mr Mechanic offers me this – a taxi, a real one. So sweet of him. How does he know I love antiques stinky old beat-up Toyotas? AND a stick shift too at that GRR!!

I’m hopeless with stick shifts. I jump in the car. The alarm goes off that can be heard two neighborhoods away. Now where the heck is that remote button?

Grope. Panic. Frown. Dang. No button! Come on, who would want to steal this old bomb? Found. Shut off freakin’ alarm.

Splurt. Chortle. Cough. Swear.

I wonder how many times this thing is going to die on me! Sound of gears being dragged, kicking and screaming down the road!

Expensive cars steer clear of me. Neighborhood pets scuttle out of my way petrified. Petrified pets? Just great .

Stinky back seat. Torn cushion. Shriek.

OMG, what’s that round thing hanging out, Mom? Oh that. They’re the speakers! Great music, huh? Right and the speakers are pink, eww!!

Splutter. Cough. Giggle. Bounce. Road bump, Mom. Bam. Sound of girls’ heads hitting the ceiling! Another road bump! Watch out! BAM! Mom! Oh, no-ooooo, more bumps!!!

***I’m posting this at 9:09pm today, September 9, 2009, aka 09.09.09. Have a good one !

I sing bawl in the car when I’m driving. It helps move the traffic along!